"THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT" - Avoiding the Infidelity Trap (Adultery Prevention and Recovery)
Are you in the middle of a love triangle or know any one who is?
Are you a victim of an affair but do not know how to deal with the anger and emotional trauma embodied in betrayal and infidelity.
Though your spouse has broken off an affari, has the "other woman" or "the other man" becomes a thron in your flesh or a snare in your relationship because you have become emotionally attached to the affair?
Are you broken-hearted over an affair? You want to move on with your life but can't let go because you are struggling with feelings of rejection, disappointment, betrayal, and other unresolved wounds?
Do you feel like you're on an uphill battle with learning to love and trust again?
Are you in love with someone else other than your spouse and are torn between your mate and "the other woman" or " the other man"?
Are you involved in an affair but do not know how to get out because you feel entangled and trapped in it?
Are you involved in an affair but not know how to get out because you feel entangled and trapped in it?
Have you broken off an affair but are still wrestling with feelings of guilt, shame, and condemnation?
Program Overview Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce. Adultery is a snare and a thorn to a relationship. Infidelity hurts and breaks marriages. It not only betrays trust, it rips the core of a relationship to shreds. But we can avoid adultery or recover from it through the power of the Holy Spirit. This program exposes the adultery trap. It untangles the adultery web that weaves betrayal, distrust, and strife in a relationship and furnishes the tools to confront and overcome the temptation to be unfaithful. For couples whose spouses have been unfaithful but desire emotional healing and restoration of their relationships, there is hope. Your marriage can survive an affair if only you are willing to allow God to help you understand human fallibility so you can extend forgiveness. Forgiving your mate does not make him or her right, or excuse his or her wrong. But it does create an avenue for divine intervention. Regardless of whether he deserves mercy or not, releasing your hurt activates and speeds up the healing process. For spouses who have been unfaithful, hope and help are available as long as you are willing to accept responsibility, walk through the process of repentance, change, and restoration. You and your mate can discover how to extend forgiveness, develop lasting friendship, build mutual trust, fall in love all over again, and discover how to "adultery and divorce proof " your marriage.
Identifying the Warning Signs of an Affair
Weaving the Infidelity Web (Unveiling the Eye-Opening Stages of Infidelity-from Conception to... getting caught to... a broken heart)
Waving the Red Flag......Watch out!
"Too Hot to Handle/Too Dangerous to Taste!" (Overcoming the Temptation to be Unfaithful)
Practical and Proven ways to End an Affair
Recovery, Healing, and Restoration from Adultery
“Life after an Affair”
Healthy boundaries to Wade off or Prevent an Affair
Who Should Attend?
Suspicious spouses who feel that their mates are cheating on them;
Mates that had an affair and are overwhelmed with the guilt, shame, and other traumatizing emotions embodied in infidelity.
Spouses whose mate have cheated on them and are struggling with rejection, betrayal, and other traumatizing emotions but desire emotional healing so they can save their marriages.
Singles, Divorcees, Engaged, and Married couples that want useful information and resources to avoid the “Affair trap”
Couples that desire “Adultery Proof” and “Divorce Proof” marriage relationships.
Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)
Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)
Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair, as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years.
A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers
LOVE WITHOUT FEAR
Program Overview Hordes of couples in troubled or disintegrating marriages manage to attest their struggles to at least one or more of the following reasons: "We have irreconcilable differences" “We are incompatible. “We have grown apart. “We are no longer in love. "My needs are not met." But are these really the cause facilitating marital conflicts or is fear to love unconditionally the underlining facilitator? Loving unconditionally connotes loving the other person regardless of his or her strengths, weaknesses, or imperfections. Unconditional love demands that we place no undue burden on the other person to merit our love by his or her actions or behavior.This is a pretty tough thing to do because humans are fallible. It is this fear to accept the other person unconditionally and demonstrate love regardless of whether he or she deserves it or not that rattles our sense of reality. It does not make sense to share love with one who is not singing our high praises! It is not our human nature to forgive a mate who has betrayed us, extend mercy to one who does not meet our expectations, or be fair to one who is not meeting our needs. So rather than reach out and exhibit love, our human nature forces us to retrieve into a corner in fear and hoard it! Why? We feel that we cannot risk our vulnerability or love someone who is not rocking our world or measuring up to our standard.
Take an inventory of your own relationship and identify how you are loving yourself and your spouse: Are you afraid to love wholeheartedly because you dread the possibility of getting hurt or not being reciprocated? Are you merely "flexing your love muscles" to conceal your fears or are you really "exercising your love muscles" to burn the excess fat of anger, emotional pain, and resentment? Are you defying fear and doing whatever is necessary to move the relationship to the next level or are you masquerading fears to feed your own agenda? Are you nourishing or starving your fears? Is loving the other person causing you pain or heartache? Often, we are miserable in our relationships because of the manipulative ways we give and receive love. "There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear. Fear brings torment. He who fears is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4:16). The fact that we are tormented in our relationships prove that we are operating in fear. Remember, fear brings torment. Operating in fear spurs us to share conditional love, not the perfect love of God. Remember perfect or unconditional love alleviates fear. As long as we authorize fear to influence how we relate to others, there will always be unresolved issues to tackle, crises after crises to resolve, and fire after fire to extinguish in our relationships! Why? Relating to each other in fear ignites deadly uncontrollable fires that are difficult to extinguish. Not only that, someone usually gets hurt. The quality time that should have been invested in nourishing the relationship is now devoted to fending off bullets in the crossfire. There is nothing as devastating for a couple as striving to resolve one conflict after another in a relationship that is supposed to be a harbor, not a combat zone. Often, there are no "seasons of rest" in the relationship because each one is walking on "egg shells", afraid to tick the other person off. Couples who find themselves in such distressing relationships only allow "sleeping dogs" to lie for a while as long as they are on a leash or until they are forced to explode.
We share conditional love partly because it is somewhat effortless. It not only relieves us from the responsibility of having to "exercise" our love muscles, but it positions us as the big bully in charge. Being a taskmaster empowers us to call the shots as well as use exploitative ways to meet our needs. As much as it is easier to share conditional love, it generates pain, misery, unfulfillment, lack of trust, and a ton of other negatives. A marriage that operates on conditional love is like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode in the divorce court. On the other hand, sharing unconditional love or the perfect love of God cost us. It requires sowing our selves and sharing love sacrificially. It demands giving our all without holding anything back. But the rewards are worth the efforts. Unconditional love heals, rejuvenates, cultivates, liberates, and steers a relationship in the right direction.
Often, couples try to navigate their way through various conflicts without really identifying the root-cause of their problems. Thus, they deal with the fruits or the actions, not the root of the problem and assume that all the problems will magically disappear. Lo and behold, when they are placed in a situation that pushes their buttons, it triggers off those demons and they are forced to manifest. Why? Only the fruits or actions were dealt with, not the root of the problem. The underlining cause instigating the actions was never confronted. Remember, it is the root that produces a tree. The tree produces the fruits. If you deal only with the fruits or actions, the root of the problem is still there to bear the fruits. The only way to permanently resolve marital problems is to attack it from the root.
In reality, fear not only incites majority of marital conflicts, it also causes couples to react in unhealthy ways that jeopardizes the relationship.
Quickly, let us address how these fears shape or affect our relationships.
Fear of rejection and betrayal not only back us up against the wall in defense of the right to protect ourselves, but it isolates and imprisons us in our own little world as well. Instead of reaching out to the other person in love, we remain trapped in an emotional cage for fear of what might happen if we dare reach out to the other person to share love. But in reality, we feel lonely, isolated, and empty on the inside but are too proud to let down our defenses. Our unwillingness to take the risk to love is only a manifestation of deep-rooted fears camouflaged as excuses. If only we are willing to lay aside these entrenched fears, learn how to share love God's way, we will have healthy and fruit-bearing marriages.
Fear of not knowing whether a mate will reciprocate accordingly if we practice the "golden rule" is the primary cause for withholding love. We withhold love because we want to either punish a spouse or gauge how he or she will respond to us. Often, if a mate's response mitigates our fears, we respond positively. But if it heightens our fears, we respond negatively to protect our self. Fear to accept the humiliating reality that we might be wrong after all spurs us to insist on our ways because we do not want to accept any responsibility or change any unhealthy behavior. Because we dread the responsibilities that come with our choices, we try to shift blame like Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden so we will not have to be accountable for our choices. It is this fear that compels us to shift blame in order to dock responsibility.
Fear causes us to "walk on egg shells" in a relationship. We walk on the edge because we worry about ticking each other off or getting on each other's nerves. We lash out in anger when our needs are not met, prowl around in frustration when the other person will not succumb to our demands or exceed our expectations. We operate in strife and confusion because there is no deep friendship, no mutual trust, no healthy boundaries, no genuine commitment, and no real communication, or fear of God in our relationships. Therefore, we are apprehensive about those we love betraying us if we love selflessly and sacrificially.
Fear impels us to withhold love when we feel the other person is not measuring up to our high standard.
Fear incites us to lash out in anger or retaliation when we feel that the other person threatens our security and rights.
Fear causes us to camouflage our weaknesses so we can avoid the risk to love. Fear pressures us to demand or beg for love because we feel that the only way to receive love is use manipulative tactics to milk it from the other person. Fear causes us to cling to our sense of reality even when we are wrong. Why? Because we want to hide from truth.
Fear produces torment and hurt in relationships. Because we are afraid of lowering our expectations for fear of being taken for granted, we set unrealistic expectations and watch a mate fall off the cliff! Love makes us vulnerable. We shrink back from loving because we dread the risk of giving all of our hearts to this other person and getting nothing back in return. Because we fear that too much familiarity or openness with a spouse might evoke some disrespect, we keep them at bay to protect our egos...until when we feel that we desperately need them. Only then do we woo them back to come closer. Fear of losing control or being controlled by the other person drives us to develop a competitive spirit that desperately yearns to compete with a spouse rather than work together with him or her like a team.
Fear of losing something of ourselves if we love wholeheartedly causes us to hold something back so that we can always have something to go back to or revert to in case we get hurt.
Because we are afraid to pay the price to love, we utilize all kinds of excuses to camouflage and defend our fears to love. We yearn to love and be loved, but are afraid to walk on love's "tight rope" which often reveals our inner motives. But there is hope in God. All these fears can be overcome because God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). I will show you how to confront and overcome these fears so that you will have the liberty to love without any shadow of fear hanging over your relationship. Through my own life experiences and many years of counseling, I have come to realize that one of the most effective ways to heal and strengthen a marriage relationship is when both partners are willing to work together like a team, love each other selflessly, and share sacrificially like Christ did - without any fear.
From childhood, because we have been programmed to embrace only that which soothes but shrink back from that which hurts, we embrace others only when they make us feel loved, needed, and secure but reject them when they are not meeting our psychosocial needs. If it hurts to love, why would a loving God admonish us to love? When true love is shared, it does not hurt. We hurt in our relationships mainly because we share conditional love, which is self-centered, egoistic, and exploitative. We are only concerned about how much we can hoard love, not extend love; how much we can be obstinate, not compromise for the good of the relationship; how much we can manipulate the other person to adopt our reality; not change ourselves; and how much we can withdraw, not deposit in the relationship. Yes, there are times when we feel that loving someone is causing us pain. But the truth is, it is not love itself that is inciting our pain but how we are love ourselves and the other person. It is the godless behavior, the unChrist-like character, the selfish choices that we exhibit in our relationships, how we define and exhibit love that hurt us. How we define love greatly influences how we give and receive love. This program will not only address the unhealthy ways we give and receive love but will also address the healthy ways to share and reciprocate love as well. You will discover fear triggers, how to avoid and overcome them.
This program will give you the tools to: Identify fear in your relationship and whether you are confronting or defending your them;
Discern how you are loving your self and the other person as well as discover healthy ways to give and receive love;
Recognize, avoid or deal with fear triggers;
Eliminate the barriers to building mutual trust and genuine friendship;
Demolish emotional walls and replace them with healthy boundaries;
Jump over the hoops that have held you back from risking your vulnerability to love;
Discover how to build a safety net to protect yourself;
Overcome fear to love.
Program Focus The Root of Fear/Marital Conflicts Going Back to My Roots Dealing with the Four most Common Marital Hurricanes Open Doors to Fear Overcoming Fear to Love Emotional Healing
"A COVENANT MARRIAGE EXPERIENCE"
What is “A Covenant Marriage Experience”? “A Reality Check” where you and your mate can go back to the drawing board and identify where you are as a couple, where you intend to go from here, and set realistic and attainable goals to get you there.
“A Launching Pad” for new beginnings, exhilarating discoveries, and countless possibilities crafted to empower you to reprioritize, refocus, and rejuvenate your relationship.
“A Judgment-free Environment” where couples feel safe to take off their mask, strip themselves of all their defenses, so they be can be “naked and vulnerable, yet unashamed” through dialogue and mutual understanding.
“A Hands-on Workshop” where couples are privileged mirror each other's soul and unveil the sobering reality of eachothers' inner yearnings — “Walk in My Shoes,” “Feel My Heart Beat,” “See My Point of View,” “Touch My Emotions,” “Taste My Fears,” “Hear My Cry…Love and accept Me regardless of My Imperfections” Discerning the other person’s innermost being enlarges our capacity for tolerance and empathy.
"A Harbor for Reconciliation" designed to equip couples with workable tools to build wholesome and rewarding relationships. Couples are encouraged to discern, confront, and resolve defying relational issues face to face in a caring and Christ-like manner.
“A momentous time” set apart to inspire and challenge you to sprout beyond marital challenges so you can cultivate love, develop genuine friendship, harmonize differences, build mutual respect and trust as well as rise to your potential.
“A Trail-blazing and Daring Adventure” of self-discovery designed to empower you and your mate to unravel and explore the hidden treasures in each other.
“A Birthing Place” where dreams and relationships are reborn. “A Covenant Marriage Experience” is a time of refreshing, healing, and restoration.
Do you have a great marriage but simple want to strengthen your relationship or take it to new heights? OR Do you feel that you are no longer in love or that you no longer love this one person that used to mean the whole world to you? Do you feel unloved, unneeded, and abandoned because your needs are not met? Are unresolved issues of disappointment, emotional hurt, rejection, betrayal, anger, and other traumatizing relational issues tearing your marriage apart? Do you feel that you and your spouse are “incompatible”, have “irreconcilable differences”, or have “grown apart? Do you feel that you have lost a zest for life or a clear sense of purpose due to feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and hopelessness? Are you broken hearted, disillusioned, or discontented about your relationship? Are you frustrated with yourself, mate, or relationship and are considering separation or divorce?
Come away to the secret place Get relationship tools and skills Build a healthy relationship Come on to the birthing place where dreams and relationships are reborn...
I understand how it feels like to be broken hearted and disillusioned about a relationship. I slipped into depression and hopelessness in the early years of our marriage because I couldn’t understand why Tony, my dearest husband of over twenty-four years of marriage couldn’t understand me, give in to my demands all the time, and love me based on how I defined love. I wondered, “How can I love someone so much and yet hurt so much?” I had to reevaluate how I was loving myself, and loving him as well.
As I have reiterated earlier in "Love Without Fear", From childhood, because we have been programmed to embrace only that which soothes but shrink back from that which hurts, we embrace others only when they make us feel loved, needed, and secure but reject them when they are not meeting our psycho-social needs. If it hurts to love, why would a loving God command us to love? When true love is shared, it does not hurt. We hurt in our relationships mainly because we share conditional love that is self-centered, egoistic, and exploitative. We are only concerned about how much we can be vindictive, not genuinely forgive; how much we can barricade ourselves in a emotional cell and hoard love, not reach out to the other person; how much we can be obstinate, not compromise or negotiate for the good of the relationship; how much we can manipulate the other person to adopt our reality; not change our self; and how much we can withdraw from the relationship bank, not deposit something significant into it. Yes, there are times when we feel that loving someone is causing us pain. But the truth is, it is not love itself that is inciting our pain but how we love our self and the other person. It is the godless behavior, unChrist-like character, dumb choices, negative responses, and how we define love that hurt us. How we define love greatly influences how we give and receive love. This program will not only address the unhealthy ways we give and receive love but will also address the healthy ways to share and reciprocate love as well. You will discover fear triggers, how to avoid and overcome them. There are some disintegrating marriages that are crumbling apart like a dilapidated house.The only way to restore such is to demolish and rebuild them from scratch. Others are not so bad other than they need some work or touch-ups. Regardless of your marriage situation, I will show you how to build or rebuild your marriage on an unshakable foundation from scratch, coach you to add the building blocks of commitment, friendship, communication and do all the necessary touch-ups that are needed to maintain, strengthen, and grow love. If your relationship is not growing, this workshop will furnish you with new constructive ideas to take it to new heights. Like building a house, building a marriage is hard work. But there comes the time when you will begin to enjoy the fruits of your labor and all that you have invested in the relationship. God has given me a burden for marriages. Part of my vision is see the glory and character of God reflected in marriages. My prayer is to see couples like you view marital challenges as an opportunity to grow as unique individuals, work together as a team couple and as a strong family unit. Harboring resentment toward a mate for real or imagined hurt or opting for divorce is not the right solution to your problems. “The grass is not always greener on the other side.” I strongly urge and encourage you to respond positively, not negatively. Do not file for a divorce until you have genuinely exhausted all options. If you do not confront and resolve your own issues, you are susceptible to transferring these same problems into a new relationship. Go for counseling, do something different, or at least explore this program before you take a drastic step or do something you might regret. You can have the marriage of your dreams – if only you are willing to roll up your sleeves and work together like a team for it. Our problem as human beings is that we detest counting the cost to have a healthy marriage. We all desire a great relationship. But we want it to surface by magic. Any thing worthwhile has a price tag. A good education will cost us. Faithfully going to a job we may abhor cost us. But we go every day anyhow. Why? We need the money to pay our bills. It cost us tremendously to pay our mortgages, car notes, and credit card bills. But we do anyhow because of the grievous consequences we might face for any default of payment. If we are willing to pay the price for other things that are relevant to us, why are we not willing to do whatever is necessary to sustain and grow our marriages? Our unwillingness to invest in our relationships goes a long way to show our pride, obstinacy and misplaced priorities. Haven’t you put off getting real help for too long? Haven’t you done things your way enough? Haven’t your past decisions to insist on your way affected your life and family in negative ways? Have you attained different results from doing the same things? Haven’t your emotional and physical capacity to handle the consequences of pride, stubbornness, and resentments overwhelmed your family and relationship? Isn’t it time that you give up your pride, take the focus off pleasing your self to pleasing God, and begin to make sacrifices for those you claim to love? Isn’t it time you do it God’s way –so you can rescue your marriage and family; guard yourself from paying child or spousal support; save yourself the agony of shuttling the kids between you and your mate; shield your children from the trauma and emptiness of not growing up with both parents; and emancipate yourself from the horrors of divorce? If you are serious about getting real answers and making radical changes that will heal and solidify your marriage, this program is for you. If you are going through a difficult time in your relationship, don’t despair! Be willing to do whatever is necessary to save your marriage. Make up your mind to stay in the marriage and cooperate with God and your spouse to work it all out. I have witnessed countless troubled marriages restored, many lives transformed and delivered from self-defeating habits. Couples who have given up on their relationship are inspired to go back to the drawing board to do a reality check, reprioritize, and take the necessary steps to rejuvenate their relationships. You will not seat through this informative, refreshing, confronting, challenging, and inspirational teaching —bored or remain the same. My hands-on teaching is gleaned from my own personal life experiences, counseling education, and several years of counseling couples. In these seminars, hope comes alive! Faith to overcome burst forth! You feel the liquid love of God begin to heal and melt away emotional traumas and all that has held you back! Burdens are lifted! Yokes of fear, anger, disappointment, rejection, pain, and divorce are destroyed by the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit. You and your spouse are privileged to take another shot at building the marriage of your dreams.
Program Focus Reality Check Building a Covenant Marriage 101 Dealing with issues of the heart Confronting myself – My Mask, my escape, and coping mechanisms God’s Purpose of marriage/The Purpose – Driven Marriage Offenses Versus Forgiveness-The Case for forgiveness The Power of Reconciliation The Root of Fear Open Doors to Fear Overcoming Fear to Love Building Friendship Love Without Fear A New Way to Love Forever Yours- Commitment Building Lasting Friendship Moving Beyond having Sex to Making Love Talk With Me, not at Me (Conflict Resolution) Harmonizing our Differences Defining Marital Roles/Responsibility Building Mutual Trust Identifying and Eliminating False Expectations, Illusions, and Misconceptions
RENEWAL OF VOWS NOTE: We shall literally build a marriage model, symbolic of a healthy relationship in these sessions. Assignments that will grow love, build friendship, and strengthen relationship will be given to couples after each session.
Bring the following Materials to the "A Covenant Marriage Experience”: 1. Bible 2. Notebook 3. Towel 4. Basin 5. Soap 6. Lotion 7. Unity candle 8. A rough draft of your marriage vows.
THE PURPOSE-DRIVEN MARRIAGE
What is the vision for your marriage? A marriage without a vision is like a journey without a destination, A marriage without a destination is susceptible to distractions, wrong detours, demonic exploitation, and divorce.
Take a minute and examine your own relationship. Envisage it as a vehicle going on an adventurous journey! A vehicle in motion is symbolic of a marriage relationship.
In your own marriage: What manual, map, or GPS, are you utilizing to navigate this venturesome journey of a lifetime? Who are the front and back passengers of your marriage vehicle? Who is operating the steering wheel of the relationship? Are you and your spouse driving in the same direction? Where is your marriage heading? Who fuels the energy of your relationship? What sharpens your relationship? Who "checks and balances" the tires and wheels of the relationship? What is the horsepower of your marriage engine? At what speed are you driving your relationship vehicle? Do overload of conflicts, disappointments, emotional wounds, communication barriers, distrust, and other unresolved issues weigh down your marriage vehicle? Who or what is the driving force of your marriage - your spouse, job, extended family, friends, social status, career, or Christ? What are you doing to fend off distractions so you can focus on this adventurous journey? Are you teachable enough to avoid making wrong detours? Are you looking for short cuts to avoid going through the process? Has this marital journey narrowed or enlarged your capacity for growth, tolerance, and compassion? Are you and your spouse "team mates" or "rivals"? What influences you the most on this journey - God or your own sense of reality? What propels your marriage vehicle - Truth or your personal opinion? Are you in the relationship to fulfill God's will or pursue your own personal agenda? Is your relationship Christ-centered or Self- centered? Is your marriage relationship purpose- driven or self-driven?
Purpose- Driven or Self-Driven? The answers to the above questions will determine whether you are in a Purpose-driven or Self-driven relationship. Purpose - driven marriages are based on the word of God, not individual opinion or feelings. God's word not only mentors, guides, corrects, and steers couples in the right direction, it also checks and balances the relationship as well. On the other hand, Self-driven marriages are based on feelings. We cannot rely on feelings to nourish or grow a relationship. Emotions or feelings are unpredictable and fluctuate just like the weather. One minute, we vow to love our mates when they are meeting our needs. However, when they fall short of our expectations, we become bitter, resentful, and vindictive. Couples in Purpose-driven marriages acknowledge and honor God's purpose of marriage. It is this realization that spurs them to use their character, friendship, children, jobs, carriers, emotional, sexual intimacy, and all that they have in the relationship to glorify Him. When we recognize God's purpose of marriage, we will not only embrace its sacredness but will weave its reality into every aspect of the relationship. It compells us to be fair and compassionate even when our flesh wants to be obstinate and prideful. Only truth in God's word keeps us sane and humble enough to share love with fallible spouses regardless of whether they deserve it or not. It empowers us to do what is right during tumultuous times even when all we really want to do is react in ways that gratify the flesh, venerate our egos, or defend our rights. Numerous marriages fail because the couples in these relationsahips are self-driven, not purpose-driven. They are love seekers, not givers. They are only interested in pursuing their own interests, not fulfilling God's will. When they can't have their way, like a spoilt child, they want to pack up their toys and go find a new playmate that is too naive and passive to share their toys. When storms of life hit the marriage, they want to pack up and flee the relationship because they have no spiritual stamina to outlast the stress. They are relationship hoppers! They stay in a relationship only when it is meeting their needs. Like a parasite, after they have sucked life out of it and it is no longer fueling their desires, they head for the divorce court. While purpose driven marriages are based on God's righteous standard, self-driven marriages are based on individual or worldly standards. In purpose driven marirages, couples utilize the word of God as a yardstick to measure their character, thoughts, words, and actions to determine if their dealings with each other is in conformity with God's. In Self-driven marriages, couples model after worldly standards. They practice the "if it feels good then do it" societal norm even when it is detrimental to the growth of the relationship. The world has zero righteous standards. When we adopt a secular measure, however horrible, immoral, or insensitive one's actions are, it is somehow applauded as long as one can intellectualize and defend them. The Bible cautions us about the pitfalls of having no righteous and moral paradigm to live by. Often, our character, reflections, and responses will largely depend on our own upbringing, past experiences, how we define life, and our own sense of reality. This is dangerous because we are fallible and greatly flawed by our carnality and human depravity. Our character should be based on truth, not on erratic emotions or on some perverted worldly standards.
The Purpose-Driven Marriage course will empower you to: Build a Purpose - Driven Marriage. Define and function in marital roles. Work together like a team. Identify areas in your relationship you have not submitted to God. Discern how to avoid wrong detours. Redirect your relationship even if it is heading to the divorce court. Identify and get rid of distractions. Discover healthy ways to nurture the relationship. Be inspired to have a vision and blueprint for your marriage. Discover God's original intent for creating the institution of marriage and learn how to weave it into your own relationship. Unload the various burdens that the enemy has used to weigh down your relationship.